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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

drowning

It's way past midnight and i have no idea why the heck am i still pushing myself to read when i know i'm dead tired and my mind just wants to have a rest. Everything seems so silent around me. There's no doubt that the exams are drawing nearer by the hour but i still think it's reasonable just to get a few hours of quality sleep. I'm beginning to wonder how much more pressure am i able to take considering the point where i've reached now is kinda insane.

Life's all about performance and how driven you are to achieve the ultimate standard of excellence. If you suck, you get discarded. It's as simple as that. I guess i've learned to live with that. It's just sad how a life based on this concept is. The only way to gain acceptance and a chance at something is to be someone with credentials. It just makes me wonder how good will i have to be to get that sorta recognition. I'm still trying to understand how good docs are made. There are some really altruistic docs out there but there's got to be something that makes them stand out among the rest like an islet of red in a sea of white.

As the desire to achieve perfection constantly brews, mistakes are bound to occur with the impending stress which builds up everyday. As a result if that, i myself have made countless mistakes and so have others on the same journey as myself. I've always been a believer of second chances just as God gave me a second chance. Be it a first chance of a second one, i don't think it really matters. What i can't seem to understand is why can't people even give a chance to someone when there's always potential for someone to succeed in something. Maybe i'm just freagin pissed with the way i played football today or maybe it's just something else.

As i stare at the clock and watch it tick, i'm just thinking how much patience is there left in me. How many more pascals of pressure can i absorb per square inch of my body. I've always been a crazy feller who waits as if i know a cure for a chronic disease will surely be found. Kinda like a pathological patience in some sense. Yeah, patience is a virtue but how virtuous can it be when it comes with the thought of you drowning deeper into an ocean where pressure and stress just builds up by the day. Only God knows and may I find rest and solace in Him.

Collin at 8:48 AM

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Another fine piece of crap by Stylussimo