Paradoxical life

It's another plain and hot sunday afternoon. Just sitting and staring out my window isn't something i would usually do but whenever i do it, it yields weird results. Somehow i would seem to enter a melancholic state and just reflect on how things are and why they seem to be that way. Reflecting on past events has it's pros and cons but usually the cons get the most of me. Not too sure why. So, what's life made of me so far? Strangely, the result shows a paradoxical life. On one hand, i'm really delighted with one aspect of life, but on another, it's been just something i rather not think about.

What i'm really delighted about is the fact that i'm able to pursue something i've always wanted to do and that's to be able to help people someway or another. What better way to do it than to care for a person's health. As defined by the WHO (World health organisation): "health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity", that allows me to approach a person in a holistic manner and not just treating them just like another Tom, Dick and Harry. To drop by and visit a patient or to call friend who is recuperating really gives me great satisfaction. All in all, it's something that really gives me joy and delight, making life great and zestful.

Paradoxically, i'm also fed up with the way things have been going. I've started to realise that life isn't what i would have wanted it to be like. Some things just haven't gone right at all. Due to circumstances, i've had to make sacrifices. Sometimes I just wonder if life is meant to be like that. It's no secret that i wish i could serve in church actively again but due to my crazy schedule, it's just unfortunate that i can't do so. As i had a simple chat with some old friends not too long ago, i realised that i could no longer relate to them just like the how we used to talk during the good old days due to my 'hiatus'. I realised that those late night buzzes just to encourage each of the lads wherever we were at also were now gone. Something i took forgranted of and definitely sorely miss. Sheesh. A real depressing thing to think about.

I guess life isn't that rosy as it seems but to grumble and be pissed wouldn't do me any good either. At the end of the day, to be satisfied, i'll just be thankful for what God has given to me and allowed me to go thru. That will definitely make life a little more blissful despite the current 'flat-out' state. :P

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